I'm Not in the Holiday Mood This Year

Maybe it's because I'm not with my family. Maybe it's because I'm broke and can't afford the smallest gifts for those I love. Maybe it's because bills are behind and still coming due. I just know that I'm ready for the Christmas season to come and go quite quickly. A recent trip to Walmart brought this feeling on rather suddenly. I was only there to pick up some eats, but something about the crowd, the holiday music playing overhead and the abundance of the gift set isle just made me so anxious, so overwhelmed, I fought back tears, and hastily looked for the nearest exit. I'm not one to hide away from my feelings. I got home and immediately started the task of trying to figure out what's really going on with me. Coming up with loads of question marks and gearing up for a good talk w/God and some tears, I decided to switch gears and prepare myself for the new year ahead. I'm determined that 2014 will be different. That I'll be different no matter who or what. I've resolved that I can't feel this way again when the holiday season rears its head next year. I just can't.